[Genesis Radio HQ] – [Feb 21, 2025] – The day has finally come. After years of whispered rumors, ignored warning signs, and one too many accidental yodeling remixes, Genesis Radio is officially overhauling its monstrous 30,000+ track music library—a collection so vast, so chaotic, that some say it has developed sentience.
Yes, you heard that right. The files are fighting back.
THE MADNESS BEGINS
For too long, DJs have battled the music library’s cursed archives. DJ Pisces recently attempted to play Pour Some Sugar on Me and instead got a Gregorian chant version sung by what we can only assume is a group of time-traveling monks. DJ Barb discovered Jolene labeled under “Norwegian Death Metal”, which, upon further investigation, turned out to be a horrifying yet oddly compelling remix.
Meanwhile, Doc, Genesis Radio’s program director and the weary guardian of the archives, has been found wandering the server room muttering about mislabeled tracks and vowing vengeance against rogue metadata.
“This is no ordinary cleanup,” he announced grimly, wielding a USB drive like a holy relic. “This is an exorcism.”
THE ENEMY WITHIN
The overhaul process began smoothly… until The Library fought back.
Files vanished and reappeared elsewhere, with one Beatles song somehow duplicating itself into 47 separate locations.
The “Disco” folder mysteriously absorbed half the “Classic Rock” section, creating a cursed fusion genre no one was prepared for.
A file simply labeled “DO NOT OPEN” was found deep in the archives. Its contents? A 17-hour mashup of whale sounds, banjo solos, and distorted Nickelback vocals. It has since been sealed away for the safety of all humankind.
The “Lost Media” folder coughed up a file from 2008 labeled Super Secret Mega Remix.mp3. Brice opened it. No one has seen him since.
NASA has been contacted to confirm whether the Genesis Radio servers have officially become a black hole of cursed audio.
THE BATTLE PLAN
Genesis Radio staff have declared a full-scale war against the corrupted archives, armed with:
Metadata repair tools (to prevent Livin’ on a Prayer from being credited to “DJ Unknown feat. The Gregorian Choir”)
A massive playlist purge (because no, we do not need 18 different versions of Africa)
An emergency IT exorcism team (just in case The Button gets pressed again)
Sacrifices to the hard drive gods, just to be safe
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR LISTENERS
While the battle rages on, listeners may notice:
Random audio glitches, possibly caused by the library actively resisting its cleanup
Sudden bursts of 90s techno in the middle of classic rock blocks
A rogue file named mystery_song.mp3 that plays something different every time it’s requested
The possibility that Genesis Radio is now haunted
“We will conquer this madness,” Doc declared, standing atop a stack of external hard drives. “Or we will perish in a sea of mislabeled MP3s.”
Only time will tell which side will prevail. Until then, keep your ears open, your requests cautious, and if you hear yodeling where it doesn’t belong—pray for us.
Genesis Radio: Now with 30,000 songs and at least 10,000 fewer cursed ones.
