[Genesis Radio HQ] – [March 1st, 2025] – In what was initially seen as a brilliant plan to lighten the workload for Genesis Radio’s overworked IT department, the station has officially taken on IT interns.
And within minutes, it became a complete disaster.
“We thought bringing in some fresh IT talent would help streamline operations, improve system efficiency, and reduce Doc’s stress levels,” said Brice, while watching one intern frantically unplug and replug an Ethernet cable in pure panic.
“Instead, we’ve unleashed absolute hell.”
DAY ONE: THE DESTRUCTION BEGINS
The new IT interns arrived bright-eyed, eager to learn the ropes, and immediately broke everything.
Highlights from their first four hours on the job:
- Intern #1 accidentally deleted the station’s backup playlist, replacing it with an 8-hour loop of elevator music.
- Intern #2 “optimized” the station’s Wi-Fi settings, causing a network failure so catastrophic that even the coffee machine refused to function.
- Intern #3 tried to “fix” the automation system and instead triggered a full-station test of the Emergency Alert System—on-air—at max volume.
- Intern #4 somehow turned the studio lighting into a seizure-inducing rave mode and is still unsure how to undo it.
“It’s like they came in with a checklist of the worst possible things they could do, and they’re just going through it, one by one,” Doc muttered, resetting yet another router.
DAY THREE: TOTAL LOSS OF CONTROL
By day three, the station had descended into complete anarchy.
🚨 The automation system now speaks. No one knows how.
🚨 The vending machine exclusively dispenses tuna cans.
🚨 All Genesis Radio computers now default to playing “Dancing in the Moonlight” on startup.
🚨 The emergency generator was somehow reprogrammed to only power Brice’s desk.
🚨 A mysterious button labeled “DO NOT PRESS” appeared on the main console. An intern pressed it.
“I don’t even know what that button does,” Doc admitted, staring at the screen in horror. “But ever since they pressed it, the playlist has started randomly inserting Nickelback.”
Brice, once fully opposed to the IT interns, has now shifted tactics and is reportedly attempting to recruit them into his ongoing Dave Mason rebellion.
“We need IT people on our side,” he was overheard saying. “I bet we can program an algorithm to auto-insert Dave Mason into every playlist.”
“Brice, get away from them,” Doc snapped.
FINAL STRAW – “THE INCIDENT”
The breaking point came when Intern #2 decided to “improve” the station firewall settings.
The result?
🚨 Genesis Radio went completely off the air. 🚨
For the first time in history, the station broadcasted nothing but silence for six full minutes.
Listeners panicked.
“Is this… a radio station blackout?” one listener asked in the chat.
“I CAN’T HEAR MAC. WHAT’S HAPPENING?!” another screamed.
“This is literally the darkest timeline,” someone else typed.
The station only came back online after Doc sprinted into the server room, manually restarted every system, and, in a fit of pure frustration, physically removed the intern’s hands from the keyboard.
“Internship’s over,” he declared.
GENESIS RADIO ISSUES A FORMAL STATEMENT
Following one of the most catastrophic weeks in station history, Genesis Radio has officially suspended the IT internship program until further notice.
The official station statement reads:
“We regret to inform the public that Genesis Radio’s IT internship program has resulted in severe technological trauma, potential FCC violations, and several existential crises.
At this time, we will be reassessing our approach to hiring interns, preferably those who do not believe ‘hacking the automation system for fun’ is an acceptable pastime.
We thank our listeners for their patience and deeply apologize for any unexpected Nickelback broadcasts. That was not intentional.”
Doc, who is now considering a full-on sabbatical, summed up the experience with the following:
“Next time, we’re just hiring professionals.”
“Or nobody.”
